ho chi grins.

This post is courtesy of several people who have said hilarious things, which we have now incorporated in our general conversation. First up is Bartu, my step-brother in Turkey...we were teaching him English a little while we were in Kas and the thing he learnt the quickest was "Puh-leeease". Will, puh-lease....puh-lease. Puh-lease play, puh-lease swim, puh-lease just about anything. So now we don't say please....we say puh-lease.

Next up is the man we asked for directions in Phuket....this was basically the conversation.
-Hi, have you been around here much?
-I have been most places.
-Cool, do you know where this (insert place) is?
-Yes.
-Ummm, could you tell us?
Clearly that whole conversation is hilarious, but our new quote is..."I have been most places". You will be hearing it a lot.

Next we have my very own cousin Riley Mae, who was uspet with her dad about something. When we reminded her about all the nice things her dad did, like buy her delicious foods, she responded by wailing "he eats it alllll!". At which we all burst into laughter.

Last of all we have a character we overheard on the bus...his whole personality seemed to be pretty terrible, but one quote sticks in our minds. We were on a tourist bus to Phnom Penh and this young man was trying his hardest to have a meaningful connection with all the single ladies (can you detect my contempt?) Anyway, here it is....
"Yeah, I get hit on semi-regularly". Yep, somebody actually said that. To a girl. Seriously.

sigh...gone.

From the very punny title of this post you would be right in guessing we decided to come straight to Saigon and spend our last week in the city.

Although we did have an extra day in Can Tho and spent it riding around the town on bicycles, having a little look around. And as a welcome to the south we found a little cafe in a little corner of Can Tho where the proprietors were extremely friendly and eager for us to enjoy our coffees and even brought us some odd peanut/chilli/salt mix to go with our strawberries. We found real Vietnamese people! After being in Asia for 2 months that is way more exciting than it sounds on paper.

Anyway, Saigon.

We thought we would get really bored being here for 8 days but actually the time has flown by....and we leave tomorrow!

On our first day we dove straight into war history with visits to the Reunification Palace (the building whose gates were crashed through by North Vietnamese tanks when the South surrendered on April 30th 1975) and had a look around the 70's decor that hasn't changed since that historical day. We then visited the War Remnants Museum, which holds a horrifying photographical account of the war (from the side of the North Vietnamese, so a little biased against the Americans). That was depressing.

The control rooms of the 1970's.

The next day we concluded the war tourism aspect of the city with a trip to Cu Chi tunnels, one part of the VietCong tunnel system that stretched on for more than 200km (when you remember this was dug completely by hand and mostly at night, it becomes more incredible). We looked at some booby traps and listened to the stories of a veteran from the South. Will fired an AK-47 and crawled through the claustrophobic tunnel for 120m (I opted to stay above ground because I definitely would have had some sort of major freak out being in a tiny, cramped, boiling hot nightmare...I'm a wuss).

I can't really remember exactly what else we did this week....but I know we had a look at the Fine Arts Museum, which was lovely even though we were hungover. We did a lot of sitting by the river and sitting in cafes. We elevatored to the top of a large new financial building to gaze at Saigon from the Sky Deck.

We were ripped off at the tourist market, had a picnic in the park and met some young Vietnamese students who were eager to practice English. We were told by a policeman that we shouldn't sit underneath a tree in the park in case a branch fell down and hit us. After which we had to cross the road by wading straight into two busy lanes of traffic speeding in both directions. Ahhh, Asia.

We ate a lot of delicious soup. We drank a lot of cheap beer. We did some shopping and a lot of walking. We visited the zoo and we went to the movies- go see Tower Heist, it's hilarious. Like this photo...this is what happens when you are constantly being harrassed by people selling things you reall don't want to buy.

Yesterday we decided to have a break from the pace of the city so we caught a bus out to the closest beach (2 hours away). It was nice though, to have a swim and escape the heat and the noise of Saigon- Will and I were walking down a road the other day talking, and we were halfway through a conversation before we realised we were both yelling in order to be heard above the noise of constant traffic. We caught a boat back to Saigon after a long walk along the ocean in and being quickly transported to Rio de Janiero via the giant Jesus atop the small coastal mountain in Vung Tau.

And that about brings us to now....our last minute shopping is finished, we have visited all we want to visit and we are having a bit of a relax before going back to work next week. Ugh.

This is the end of our Turkish/Asia story of 2011, but I think to cap things off nicely I will write one more post explaining our favourite trip in jokes, so when we come home and crack up over bizarro things, you won't think we are idiots.

down by the river.

After we had filled our bags with treats and goodies from Hoi An we hopped on an overnight bus that would take us to Nha Trang, and from there we would get on another bus that would take us to Mui Ne, a beach town with massive sand dunes where we wanted to spend a few days.

Mui Ne is quite a nice little town. There is a long stretch of beach and the water is perfect for swimming. The sand is littered with rubbish because Asian people do not have any understanding about the evils of littering. Our hotel was on water's edge so we could hear the sea as we sat and read and relaxed, then we could dive in when the heat became too much.

We were victims of a motorbike scam in Mui Ne. We were driving out to the sand dunes and a group of "policemen" stopped us and asked to see our Vietnamese driving license, which of course we did not have. Then they informed us they would keep the bike for ten days and we said fine, we don't care. We took the keys back to the man who leant us the bike (and knew exactly what was happening) and told him to go deal with it. He asked us for $200 to get the bike back from the policemen. We scoffed in disbelief and walked off. We still can't figure out whether the scam was that we payed $5 for a bike we only had for 20 minutes or if they actually thought they could make $200 out of us.

Anyway we were angry. But the next day, refreshed and relaxed, we hired bicycles with the intention of cycling out to the closest dunes. We never found them, but we did find an awesome beach with no other people, nice waves and very colourful shells (some of which we collected as we rode our bikes along the sand). And as we discovered yet again (get ready for a cliche), every cloud has a silver lining....or, to be a little more creative, within each McDonalds burger there is a delicious pickle. We left Mui Ne happy.

And onward to Can Tho (which is where we are now), a town in the Mekong Delta which boasts two floating markets as its tourist draw . We arrived here two nights ago and yesterday we hired a little wooden boat to take us around the river and backwaters and to visit the floating markets. We had to get up at 5am, as the tour started at 5.30. We saw the sunrise and bought hot coffee and bananas from a boat vendor at the first market.

Then we puttered along to the second market- as she was driving, our boat lady was peeling and cutting us fruit which she continued handing us until we could eat no more as well as making clever presents for us out of bamboo-, which was smaller than the first and filled with more little wooden boats bobbing along, continually bumping gently into each other. It was so interesting to watch the swift, practised movements of the fruit and vegetable vendors...peeling things, throwing things to fellow vendors on other boats, hacking into the thick skin of coconuts, all the while gently bobbing on the water.

...our spoils from our boat lady...she made us bamboo crickets and a bouqet of roses with real flower buds!...

After the markets we went to a small rice noodle factory and found out where those thin, white noodles for sale in all our supermarkets come from.

The rest of the tour was quite relaxed and by two we were back in town, chicken noodle soup (or pho) for lunch.

Now we are trying to decide where we will spend our last 10 days in Vietnam, and our trip. We can't decide between staying in another little delta town for a few days before Saigon, or just heading straight into the insane rush of a large Asian city.

a funny thing.

A funny thing about the Asia we have been in the last few months are the hilarious contradictions. A casual stroll in the street-any street- will prove beyond doubt that nobody wants (or really even needs) traffic rules...people ignore red lights, drive into each other on the wrong side of the road and endlessly pull out in front of everybody else. People walk casually into streams of oncoming motorbikes. And it works. Nobody gets smooshed, we have seen only a few collisions and none were serious.

But then...from the chaos of the streets to the air-conditioned crowd of the supermarket and the apparent relaxed nature disappears. When we tried to go in through the checkout we were ushered toward the proper entry area by a serious looking checkout security guard...that's right, 'checkout security guard'. Specifically for the checkout. Then we tried a different section of the supermarket. I was holding an open bag of peanut m&m's- because they are my favourite things- and the new checkout security guard said I couldn't go in with them. He wanted me to hire a locker at the entrance for a half eaten bag of chocolate! This all without the hint of a smile.

How do these two notions go together??? I can't figure it out.

roman holiday.

The charming little town of Hoi An, where we have just spent a few lovely days, is all about clothes, shoes and being Parisian (though this post is called 'roman holiday' because a)I couldn't think of a fitting movie title including Paris and b)Hoi An reminded me more of Rome than Paris).

You need to do little more than wander the gorgeous streets, slipping down alleyways and admiring the lovely old buildings in Hoi An, but when you tire of that you can cycle to the beach or lose yourself in the hundreds of stores filled with gifts for loved ones...or for you...and all the while the tailors and shoemakers are busy whipping up those additions to your wardrobe that you ordered the day before.

Clearly, I liked Hoi An. It was just like being in Europe (well not quite; you still get hassled to the absolute limit- after all, it is Asia) except a million times cheaper. And there are pedestrian only streets, which seems like a godsend in Asia, where 'road rules' isn't a phrase and the horn is used as a warning, and an indicator and pretty much anything else the driver wants to say.

Here's a little taste of Hoi An...I'm pretty sure it will arouse a longing you never knew you had to visit this winner of a town.

good morning Vietnam continued.

Okay. Sapa to Hanoi to Halong Bay to Cat Ba Island (the only inhabited island in Halong Bay). Not a great journey...maybe one of our worst. I stupidly suggested we get a seat on the overnight train ride from Sapa- as opposed to a sleeper- in order to save money. Terrible Idea. It was hot, uncomfortable, hellishly noisy and took forever. And we only saved $10.

When we arrived in Hanoi we were hungry and exhuasted, having walked the kilometre from the train station, so we decided to book our bus ticket to Halong Bay from the hotel even though it was twice as expensive as from the bus station. Turns out it was so expensive because we ended up on a tour bus and the driver, upon our arrival in Halong Bay, tried to get us to go on a tour of the bay with him (and inevitably give him more money); obviously we didn't do that.

Our trusty Lonely Planet Asia book promised booking a passage to Cat Ba Island on a tourist boat (as opposed to an organised tour) would be relatively cheap and easy. Hahahahahaa! Not really! The first man we asked told us locals didn't go to Cat Ba anymore and the only way to get there was on a tour, specifically HIS tour. Then he yelled at us when we said we didn't want to. When we asked the lady at the ticket office she just said no, there isn't and then ignored us. And basically everybody else ignored us also. We were both about to completely lose it and just start attacking random people or wailing inconsolably into our hands when somebody finally told us we could catch a local ferry from the marina. So we did. It was only $2 each and took an hour. We were very self-congratulatory. Until we arrived on the island and we were a 40 minute drive (and an impossibly long walk) to the town. Then it cost us $8 each to get a ride on a motorbike. I'm not even sure if it was worth it in the end.

On the ferry...

Things did start to get slightly better when we got to the town though (apart from the man that swore at us when we said we didn't want to eat at his restaurant and the fact that both the atm's weren't working the entire time we were there).

We were there for two days only...the first day hired a motorbike -it's our new fave thing to do- and drove to the beach, then to a national park where we climbed to the top of a mountain (a small mountain) and saw a snake and a lemur and a really long worm.

Almost at the top of the really high, really old looking structure on the top of the mountain we climbed...was it safe? Who knows...it's Asia.

The second day we went on a cruise of Halong Bay which included a seafood lunch on the boat, some kayaking and a stop at monkey beach where the monkeys were incredibly hostile and chased us around baring their teeth until we left them alone. It is mostly terrifying because we wouldn't much like to get rabies. We watched the sunset on monkey beach (away from the monkeys) and then boated back to town.

The boats of Halong Bay

We decided to book a combined ticket for our journey back to the mainland rather than suffer the hassle of doing it all separately again. We made it to Hanoi, then to the train station, then to Hue on the overnight train (on sleepers!) all with ease.

And that is where we are now. The weather isn't great so we are hiding in a cafe...I am writing (hence this blog) and Will is playing solitaire. Later we may do some sightseeing, but only if it tickles our fancy...after two and a half months of travel and a lot of moving around sometimes it is much nicer just to sit and not do anything than to traipse all around checking sites off a list (that's what I think anyway, maybe I'm just lazy).

good morning Vietnam.

It is raining in Hue, a town on the central coast of Vietnam in which we have found ourselves. Two days ago there was a flashflood. It isn't the ideal weather to be doing much at all, apart from sitting in cafes or watching movies in bed. But, I hear you ask, how did we get from Siem Reap to Hue and what adventures have we had on the way?

Well....

We were able to catch the bus to Bangkok, though the schemer who sold us the tickets and promised the bus would take us to the airport spoke not a word of the truth and we sat fuming on the bus as it drove straight past the airport and into central Bangkok, from where we had to go back exactly the same way as we had just come to go to the airport.

We slept at the airport and caught our early morning flight to Hanoi. Hanoi is a fairly insane city. The noise is constant, there are literally millions of motorbikes and the smog is thick. There is a lot to explore though...crowded little alleyways, cafes, restaurants and shops.

We did a bit of shopping, a bit of eating and a bit of sightseeing.

We got accosted by a lady who forced us to take pictures of ourselves with her wares, the afterwards it was 'you take photo now you buy! you buy!'...but we didn't. We ran away.

Our first night there we saw a show of water puppetry, an old art form originating in northern Vietnam. It was great. There was a band of musicians accompanying the puppets, which were made of wood and stuck on the end of long poles at the end of which the puppeteers were in control as they hid behind a large wooden facade. The puppets re-enacted various scenes from Vietnamese life, but it was all done in a shallow pool of green water. My favourite part was when two water buffalo stopped working in the field to have a fight then a little man had to separate them...imagine that scene (you have to imagine it because tickets were more expensive if one wanted to take photos, so obviously we took no photos) in water, with funny looking wooden puppets and sound effects in Vietnamese. Oddly funny.

We also saw some sights...Ho Chi Minh's mausoleum (though we didn't get to see the man himself, as his body is currently in Russia for restoration), the Temple of Literature (Vietnam's first university) and we caught a bus out to the suburbs and found our way to the Museum of Ethnology, which housed a very interesting account of Vietnamese life, both past and present.

Will got his faced shaved with a razor finally (he wanted to since Phnom Penh).

The Temple of Literature.

We escaped the smog and the traffic and the people on a train up to the mountain town (former French hill station) of Sapa. Where it was actually quite cold, but the air was amazingly fresh. And he fog was incredible...it engulfed all of the surrounding mountains until we were basically in a town in the clouds.

We hired a motorbike -I didn't drive!- and explored the mountainous roads and a waterfall in a national park. We met a lady from a nearby village (or, actually, she met us) and she took us over the mountain to have lunch at her house in a small village of 100 people.

The 'Love Waterfall' and me trying to make a loveheart (it's a subtle reference to the name...it's ok if you didn't get it)

A pause in our mountain trek and our lovely guide Chou.

After we had our fill of the slow pace and fresh air of Sapa we caught the train back to Hanoi, in order to continue on to Halong Bay. And I think that might be a good place to leave this entry, or it's going to end up being too long and you will all get bored...so see 'good morning Vietnam continued' for Halong Bay and Hue.